Genre: crack, humor
Characters & Pairings: The Doctor/Rose ;P
Author's Note: I'm going to apologize right off. I don't know where this came from so don't even bother to ask. I do truly love the Doctor and Rose. Please believe me.
A blank screen flicks to life.
Onscreen is a black background with the words "The Terry Larger Show" displayed in prominent flashing lights. The words fade into a shot panning down to show an eager audience of various species—from Sontaran to Geltf; human to Slitheen—all awaiting the latest special guest.
A booming voice is heard: "And let's welcome your host, TERRRY LARRRGERRR!"
The audience claps and cheers as a gray-haired man walks in, stage left, waving at the crowd with both hands, grinning widely, his spectacles reflecting the show lights above. He takes a seat at the pair of hover chairs situated at the center of the stage.
"Good evening folks! Tonight ,we'll explore the meaning of life and the evolution o fstars…" he trails off on a chuckle, waving his hand at the booing audience.
"I'm joking of course! What I have in store for you tonight will surprise you, scandalize you and just send plain old dirty delight down your bones, because tonight, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, is a treat!"
A light turns on behind two thin screens, backlighting a petite and obviously female silhouette. An appreciative murmur runs through the male gender of the crowd.
"Our special guest tonight has been known as a Defender of the Earth, the Valiant Child and the omnipotent Bad Wolf! Ladies and gentleman, I give you the one, the only…Rose Marion Tyler!"
The noise in the studio is deafening, the audience stamping their feet in approval while they also cheer and clap as the two doors open off to the side and a very pretty and blonde woman walks in, waving at the audience, a beautiful smile setting flutters to hearts (or organs that pass for hearts in some species).
She meets Terry halfway to the chairs and hugs him and he escorts her to her chair. She pauses just before she sits in the other available seat and suddenly turns back to the audience, arms up in a clawing action as a golden light flashes around her and the audience gasps at the great dark wolf that is seen for a moment before the light fades and it's just Rose standing there and laughing. The audience loves it and cheers even louder.
Rose takes her seat and beams at Terry. "Well, Rose, as always, you bring such beauty in any dimension or world you visit."
"Oh, Terry, you're so sweet! But you've gotta realize you say that any time I come on your show."
"That's because it's true dear. It's been some time since you've graced our show though. I think the last time you were on, it was before the Doctor, wasn't it?" Rose nods in confirmation. "I believe we were still at the Jimmy and Mickey stage, huh?"
She nods again as her nose wrinkles in silent distaste while behind them, on the vid screen, flashes several photos of Rose with a mean looking, slightly drugged guy and looking sad (the audience sighs) then a bored Rose with a goofy, slightly blank-eyed black guy (laughter breaks out). She smiles self-deprecatingly. "Yeah, but right after that, I got a real man—or should I say Time Lord!" Cheers break out as pictures of a tall brooding man in a leather jacket flash onscreen.
"Whoa,is he a hottie! You'd better thank the stars I'm not omni," he says with a wink to Rose. "I've got something special for you tonight honey. Let in: the Doctor!" This is directed at the same doors that Rose had walked in earlier.
There's an audible gasp as in walks the same brooding man from the earlier photos. Rose had jumped up as soon as he had appeared, shock clear across her face.
"Rose!" His face turns from frowning to a ridiculous smile and he runs to meet the girl who's making her own way to him. There's a heartfelt gush from the crowd as they hug and then Terry is clapping his hands to get the two people's attention.
They break apart and speak over each other in an excited effort to explain to each other.
"I thought you'd died in—"
"So did I! I mean regener—"
"I saw you! All that flashing light—"
"Let's not get into the semantics of it all," Terry interrupts them, "Why don't we just appreciate that it's happening?"
Rose and the ninth regeneration of the Doctor hold hands as they each take a seat, an extra seat having appeared for the Doctor. "Tell us a little about yourselves."
The Doctor's face shutters as he looks around the room with a mild glare, making it evidence to the audience that he is not a talkative man. "I'm not a talkative man," he says. It's like he's reading minds.
Terry stares at him for a second, nonplussed, before he recovers and turns to Rose, a smile pasted on his face. "Rose? Can you tell us about the last time you guys saw each other?"
Her gaze goes distant as she falls back into the memory. "The on'y thin' that I can really rem'mber s'that he kissed me." The audience sighs and the Doctor's face changes red while Rose smiles up at him, her love obvious.
The moment is broken though when a skinny bloke in a brown suit crashes through the same doors that the Doctor had entered. "Rose! My only Rose! Thy golden hair glows; the North Wind blows, for thee, oh distant Rose!" the man with great hair shouts with extreme flair, falling before her on his knees. The audience breaks out into excited murmurs as the Ninth Doctor jumps up and glares at the supplicating man.
"Who is this?" his voice is a dark fury, the northern accent settling into a deep brogue. Terry has disappeared off to the side, gesturing to the cameras to keep rolling, obviously elated at the unasked for drama.
Rose can't seem to speak, her wide eyes shifting from the suited man to the leather-clad Doctor. The man on his knees falls forward, his hands reaching blindly out to grasp her boots. She finds her voice, "Doctor?"
"Yes! That is I! It has been long since I've gazed upon your beautiful face! I am almost unworthy! There were times when I did unspeakable things and it went wrong, so so wrong!" he trails off on a wail. Rose has at this point gotten onto her knees next to him and tried to pull him up but he fights her and lays on the ground, one arm thrown across his face.
"Rose? Who is he?" She smiles up at the Doctor a bit sheepishly.
"This is you, in your tenth regeneration."
"What?" Nine is completely offended. "I'm a blitherin' overly dramatic and toothpick thin crybaby?"
She glares up at him but then glances at the sobbing Tenth Doctor and finds that she can't actually disagree. "Yeah. Except he wasn't quite like this when I knew him."
"Wait, you mean we…separate?" The hurt is evident in Nine's voice.
Rose stands up and puts her arms around him. "Well, yes and no."
"Get your hands off of her, you jumper-wearing, leather-clad, know-it-all!" The audience jumps to its feet as one at the thunder-like roar fills the studio. In strides a blue-suited skinny bloke who looks strangely exactly like the Tenth Doctor who is still blubbering on the floor.
Rose and Nine jump apart and her mouth drops open as she sees the twin. "John? You knew I was coming here!"
John stops on the other side of Ten (who can't seem to stop crying and moaning about how guilty and alone he feels). "I know, but when you're born in battle, full of blood, anger and revenge, I couldn't just stand by while you met up with your ex!"
She stares at him. "But he's you!"
"We may have some genes that are similar but that's about it! I at least can tell you how I feel!"
There's an unmanly gasp from Nine and then Ten has moved enough to grab at John's pant leg in an effort to pull himself up and an nearly cheerful sound is heard from him: "Metty!"
John stumbles and looks down in disbelief and slight disdain at Ten. "You! Get off of me!" He tries to shake the grabby Doctor off. "You abandoned me! Do you know how long it took me to get through that?"
He tried to kick at Ten who only ended up tugging harder and pulling John off his feet. Rose reaches out automatically and in an effort to keep his footing, his hand catches Rose by her hair and pulls her down with him. A cry of pain is heard and suddenly Nine has jumped in and grabbed the blue-suited Doctor, yelling, "Don't you hurt Rose!" before landing a punch to the man's nose. John returns the favor (forcefully) and chaos ensues.
Terry finally comes back on screen, surprise evident on his face. He shoots a fearful glance over his shoulder as a chair is heard breaking. "And that's all folks! In this edition of 'The Terry Larger Show!"
The screen blinks out.